Letting Go.

 

Words come with hesitance to my brain.

Thoughts feel buried deep beneath a sea of emotions.

I retreat into my head and am suddenly brought back to reality by the tiny kicks in my womb.

She wants to live. She wants to be born. 

don’t know how to go on. feel like breaking down.

She kicks again.

I see my future but I never envisioned it alone. I never thought you’d stand in front of me and call me a mistake.

I thought with you’d I’d be able to start over. I believed in us. I took too much of your heart without releasing enough of my own. I’m tired of fighting my head. I’m tired of believing in myself and then getting pulled down into a bog of depression.

She kicks again.

Her life matters even when mine seems to be a joke. The religion of my childhood isn’t where I feel drawn and standing up as my own person feels impossible. So many excuses and so many complaints. Where is my strength. Where is my trust.

“The way you speak to your child becomes their inner voice.”

My child, I love you. I see your value and your beauty already. Why can’t I see mine. Is it so simple as that the voice of my mother constantly echoing in my mind bringing me down? How can I shake the voices in my mind.

 

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