Short term goal: Post here every day until next Wednesday. My perfectionist type A personality wants to make a much more grand goal (every day until I give birth!!) but my reality knows that my anxiety, fear, or life often trainwrecks my grand goals. I’m setting small goals now and going to check posting here off the list each day and gradually build back up little pockets of consistency in my life.
Today I’m wrestling between sharing a practical 5 step or 5 item list blog about a topic I have experience in or sharing where my head’s at.
What do readers prefer reading? Is there a better or best way to approach this blog? I don’t want it to be my journal publicized to the internet. How do I create content something worth sharing? I want to inspire single moms-to-be, not freak them out about how hard my journey is right now. I want to learn from moms and single moms about how they made it.
My brain never stops. A blessing and a curse.
Today, I sat in the grass for a backyard picnic lunch with my friend along with her 14 month old baby girl. As we talked about pregnancy and the joys and fears of motherhood, I remembered why community is so important. How much just being with a mother and her child soothed my worries. How everyone is different. How my journey is my journey and it’s beautiful just like hers, and every other woman’s. How I’m thankful to be connected to other young women with young families who are living life in a way similar to how I want to live and behave.
Also, I never stopped eating throughout our entire picnic.. I am in constant feeding mode these days and the fresher and more raw the food, the more I will eat. I watched my friend’s baby curiously look at all the food, the grass around us, squeal in delight at the passing mail truck, and listen to her mommy’s words with attention and also the absentmindedness that is ever present in a young child.
I’m 6 months pregnant and have been holding on to the hope that my former partner will re-engage with me and partner up in this pregnancy with me. Instead, reality is that I’m on my own right now and I have a round two interview tomorrow afternoon for a company that isn’t a dream job, but would provide a stable position with an income enough for me an baby girl. The adult women I speak with say there’s no chance I get hired this pregnant because I’m just a high risk hire for an employer.
It will be interested to report back to you my journey in getting a full time job with benefits this pregnant. It may end up that I have to work 2 part time jobs at lower hourly rates in order to provide for myself. While growing my online business and becoming fully provided for from at home income is still my goal, I don’t think I can get there in the next 3 months. Maybe I need to work harder…or just start working at all.
Today I’m rambling. There is a lot going on. My (former) partner is finally accepting I’m having the baby and not terminating. We discussed names for her. My heart is torn between throwing all hope at reconciliation with him and just taking action to provide for myself and my daughter without putting him in to the equation.