and so it begins again

I’ve always struggled to find the RIGHT words. I’ve never struggled to find words. In fact, the opposite. Silence is harder. At least in person. It has been easy for me to ignore this blog for a year. So many excuses..the baby needs my attention, Netflix is better than writing, who wants to hear what I may have to say, none of this matters anyway. Voices in your head are weird, usually hurtful, and often liars. So here I am again, picking up the proverbially pencil and recommitting myself to sit down, write, and share.

Over the last year, all of 2017, I worked from home with my baby daughter, starting different types of online businesses. While my year end taxes are in-progress, it’s safe to say I earned more than my state’s measly minimum wage and still significantly less than what I need to be full financially independent without reliance on child support of any kind. It was a roller coaster of ups and downs. But so grateful and motivated for the coming year.

Pregnancy and new motherhood in a twilight-zone toxic relationship with my daughter’s father left me provided for (home, food, bills) but without any money to my name. I was a stay at home mom who was taken care of but had no identity. We were “trying” to work through our relationship issues in the name of co-parenting under the same roof for our baby’s benefit. After 17 months of this, I can safely say it is not to anyone’s benefit except his and my insecurities. It was emotionally debilitating in 2016 and I had no room to voice opinion of how money was spent, felt so so ridiculous having to ask for grocery money, gas money, etc. In a marriage, finances would be shared and accounts combined and money would be “ours”, not “his”. Yet, we weren’t/aren’t married, and there remains complete separation of our lives.. what we once desired to share forever, is now locked away deep inside away from each other. I came to a breaking point. I had to reclaim my independence and also stay at home with my baby. Given that I was lucky/blessed/privileged enough to be co-parenting with someone who was financially supporting me so that I COULD be home with our daughter, I felt that it was best to maintain habitation with him until I could earn enough working from home to move out on my own.

Fast forward 13 months and we are still living together but the “end” is in sight. My businesses have a foundation, I earned my 200 hour yoga teaching certification in May of 2017, and have clear goals and plans for 2018 which include: SELF SUFFICIENCY.

Raising a child will always be a shared responsibility, however, it is so much healthier for each of us if we are not forcing something that isn’t there.

I wanted to restart this blog because I have so much passion for sharing, serving, teaching, and learning.

I want this blog to be a place where I can share honestly the struggles, triumphs, difficulties, excitement, sorrows, and joys of single parenting, yogic lifestyle, self-employment, entrepreneurship, and conscious living.

The thought of connecting with just one woman who can relate to a part of my story is enough reason to document all the ups and the downs. If I can encourage one person to pursue their goals, leave a bad relationship, fight for respect, or just put a smile on someone’s face, then it is all worth it.

While I’m not completely on the other side of my relationship, I look forward to the day where I share that the pain I went through of broken relationship (one that gave me my wonderful daughter), has faded, that I am successfully in a new stage of life.

I believe a life awaits me (and you) full of love, respect, joy, peace, success, and freedom from fear.

I recently read a book that really changed my heart. If you’re looking for a heart opener, a world-shaker, and dream-giver…read Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton. She writes directly into the deepest part of your soul. The truth she writes is unshakeable. She is an inspiration to anyone who is looking for a loving wake up call, I sure needed one.

Cheers to life, readers. Happy 2018.

 

*Disclaimer, if there is a link in my blog, it is an affiliate link for which i may receive commission. This helps support me and allows me to stay home with my toddler.

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